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Quote “We changed his name; now he is ‘Won’.” – Mikel Arteta on renaming the club’s Labrador from ‘Win’ to ‘Won’ after Arsenal became champions. Presumably in a year’s time he’ll be known as ‘Retained Title’. NUMBER: 3.2 That’s how many billion (in Euros) Premier League clubs had spent in the transfer window up to last Friday (with the window open for nearly two more weeks) – more than Spanish, German and Italian clubs have spent combined. Partnership problems It was with no little fanfare that train company Lumo announced last week that it had “scored an exciting new partnership with Preston North End FC as the club’s new Official Rail Travel Partner”. “In a year when Preston will make five trips to the capital across their Championship season, Lumo is providing affordable travel to fans attending games starting at Charlton Athletic and then against QPR, Millwall, Watford and West Ham.” READ MORE Preston were tingling about the partnership too. “Lumo’s service provides our supporters with an affordable and convenient way to follow the Lilywhites, particularly for our fixtures in London this season!” Are you sensing a but? Alas, it’s a humongous one. Four of those five fixtures in London are on a Saturday at 3pm. The last Lumo Saturday train back to Preston? 4.19pm. The fifth is on a Tuesday at 7.45pm. The last Lumo Tuesday train back to Preston? 7.19pm. That the club didn’t check Lumo’s timetable before making them their Official Rail Travel Partner resulted in some rather fruity responses to the announcement. Preston attempted to enter damage limitation mode by suggesting that the partnership was actually “aimed at fans who might be looking for a weekend stopover” in London. “Arguably you can travel there and back, plus a hotel, for less than you might normally pay for your standard train ticket.” As one respondent put it, ‘arguably’ was doing some heavy lifting there, the gist of the rest of the replies: “HAVE YOU EVER [bleeping] PAID FOR A HOTEL IN LONDON?????” The announcement went well, then. Word of mouth “I told him, ’I’m happy to work with you because you are the best’. I am prepared to die for him.” – Yan Diomande hinting that he’s ready to give 110 per cent for José Mourinho after moving from RB Leipzig to Real Madrid. “Luke Shaw can’t run and he can’t defend or attack, so what do you need him for?” – Apart from that, Paul Parker believes Shaw is indispensable for United. “I just don’t understand the Andrey Santos signing. He doesn’t break it up, doesn’t create chances, doesn’t score goals. What does he do?” – Apart from that, Paul Merson believes Santos is indispensable for United. Maddison’s top five It was this time last year that Spurs’ James Maddison suffered an ACL injury, one that ruled him out of football until his return last May. The club has been easing him back gently, though, so he only came on as a sub in their, well, calamitous defeat against Brentford on Saturday. If you thought he looked a little weary, there’s a reason for that – and it actually doesn’t have anything to do with his injury return. His partner Kennedy is possibly feeling a little weary herself too this weather. Why? July 2021: Their first child, a boy, was born. July 2023: They had twins, a girl and a boy. October 2025: They had another set of twins, also a girl and a boy. So, that’s five children (almost) under five. “A lot of nappies flying about, a lot of accidents at home,” he told the BBC, “we’ve been in the trenches.” A bit like Spurs, then. More word of mouth “The last time I cooked, I gave myself food poisoning. Salmon. I don’t even know how you get it from that, but that’s what the doc said. I had a few cooking lessons, but it’s not for me.” – Presumably, Chelsea would quite like Cole Palmer to stick with Deliveroo. “Romero has gone to Atletico Madrid to play under Diego Simeone, who gets his team ratting their opponents all over the place. Romero is the top rat.” – Teddy Sheringham wishing ex-Spurs skipper Cristian Romero all the every best in Spain. “TNT Sports contacted me for the new season. They’ve tried to slip in the Hull one on the first day of the season. I put my phone on ‘do not disturb’. I’ll be stunned if they stay up. Hull are gone, man.” – Joe Cole not offering a great deal of hope for the Premier League newbies’ survival chances. Curiously, TNT said later that Cole had never been asked to do the Hull game. Tut.